


Alive

by Krystallin21



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-08-29 03:45:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8474140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krystallin21/pseuds/Krystallin21
Summary: Bea reminds herself that she is most definitely alive and glad to have lived through her ordeal, only because she finds out that Allie lived too. Now with more than one chapter and possibly more to come.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a reminder that I've never actually spent time in a hospital ICU aside from a few minor visits. So I have no real clue how they would have been set up like this, or if it was even protocol. If the characters jump out of character I also apologize for that, I'm used to only writing my novels so fanfiction is new to me. I might also continue this at a later date.

It didn’t take long before the cold of the hospital bed and surrounds took to the forefront of her foggy mind. It was becoming more present than the memory of the pain that most certainly had to of landed her here.

It wasn’t what she wanted. To be alive.

No, not when her newfound love, the only person she had ever felt so whole with… not when she was going to die soon enough anyway. Once the machines turned off.

Even with the meds running through her groggy system, Bea found the urge to weep was stronger than her inability to find the tears form in her eyes. Here she was, alive, while someone else she loved would leave her. A sob broke free, gravelly and all from the lack of use her voice had gotten. Who knows just how long she’d been out, how long they’d had her in surgery to keep her alive. The Freak had definitely done a number on her, but it still wasn’t anything compared to the pain she had caused by keeping her alive instead of just plunging the damned screwdriver straight into her heart. At least then she wouldn’t be crying just like she had the last time she would ever speak to Allie, that phone call.

It wasn’t until the soft voice floated over to her, just as gravelly as her own, but tender, and oh so worried. “Hey, Bea, you’re awake?”

She could tell, god how she could tell, just by how her veins froze and her entire body ached to sit up and stare. She had just heard her voice. No, it had to be her imagination, the grief of surviving getting to her. So she screwed her eyes shut tighter and continued to cry.

And it only took a few moments before she heard the jangling of handcuffs against the side of a hospital bed and the cute cursing from her girlfriend. “Shit, why the hell did they handcuff me, it’s not like I can take more than a few steps here. Bea, hey, Bea, listen, I’m okay; and thank god you’re okay too.”

When Bea slowly opened her eyes and turned her head, she was greeted with the beauty of the woman she thought she’d never see again. Ironically she felt a fleeting urge to thank the Freak for not stabbing that screwdriver through her heart like she earlier wished. “A-Allie,” She croaked, seeking to reach out and also finding her hand chained to the side of the bed. She forced a glare at the annoying bit of metal before looking back over at the woman who seriously did turn her life around. “You’re alive!” It was soft, and full of tears.

God, she was alive. They both were. Sure they were pretty banged up from their respective injuries and struggles, Bea more than Allie, but they were alive. That was what mattered the most.

Allie chuckled lightly and sat up a bit higher, cringing slightly as her body still didn’t want to work correctly at all. But she flashed Bea that ever charming smile as tears slid from her eyes as well. “Last time I checked, yeah. Why the hell did you go and get yourself stabbed for?”

She was taken aback by the question. Of course she hadn’t expected Allie to be asking that, but it was very obvious that she would. “Can we please not get into it just yet? I did just wake up. I promise I’ll tell you, just not right now. I want to soak you in a bit more first.”

And then it came out as a whisper, ghosted across Bea’s lips and it made Allie’s heart break into a million pieces. “I thought I lost you, Maxine said you were never going to breathe again without the machines...”

“Well I showed them, huh?” She had to put a light spin on it, for her beautifully damaged former top dog’s sake. Even if all she wanted to do was rip the handcuffs off and walk over the few steps to wrap Bea in her arms.

It only just occurred to her how they got placed in the same ICU ward, two prisoners… maybe the Governor felt bad? Either way, she got to see Bea, very much alive and on her way to being well again. And she could tell that Bea very much needed to see her as well. She wouldn’t complain about the quarters they found themselves in, ever. Not when she could feel the calmness seeping into her bones at just being near the woman she had been in love with for a very long time. Longer than she cared to admit to herself sometimes.

“Yeah, you showed them,” Bea groaned as she tried to move her unbound arm up, remembering the last time she’d been confined to a hospital bed. The day she had fought Franky and won. “Last time I was here I’d just,” She coughed, cringing at the ache inside of her chest and not missing the hiss of sympathy from her girlfriend. “I’d just beaten Franky in a fight, got top dog.”

Despite the circumstances, Allie relished this. The small talk, like they weren’t inside an ICU ward strapped to a bunch of machines to keep them both healthy and alive. “Guessing that was the time the news said you’d escaped.”

Bea smiled and turned her head back over to Allie. God, she could never get enough of her. “Yeah,” The smile faltered though, no matter what, she still wasn’t entirely proud of what she’d done, only because she had to live with his damned smirking face inside her head for the rest of her life.

“I know,” Allie whispered, straining to reach her hand out as far as she could, just anything to let Bea know that she wanted, god how she wanted, to touch her. To comfort her. “I know.”

It spoke volumes, those two words. Everything they’d spoken about when placed in the slot next to each other, it included how Bea had felt when she took Brayden’s life. She had gotten revenge for Debbie, and would do it over and over again if she had the choice. But taking a life, it still ate at her, only because she lived with both him and his mother inside of her head every night. Even though the few nights she had gotten with Allie, sleeping surprisingly comfortably on the small single bed. It had given her relief from the nightmares of it all. She could never thank the woman enough for any of it. Or for reminding her that even she could find love, something she was sure she’d never find due to the life sentence behind those tall walls and razor wire fences.

“Thank you,” She still had to say her thanks as she blinked away more tears. No matter what came next, she had the chance. A second chance.

She was never going to throw it away again.

“For what?”

“For everything. For listening… for loving me despite it all.”

Allie laughed heartedly for a full five seconds, a smile that could burn away a dead husk of a heart and light the fires of a new one plastered on her face as she stopped the laughing. “Bea, babe, there’s no despite it all to loving you. I mean, I’ve got quite a past too, not all that pretty. But… we’re just us, and I love that. I love you.”

She was not going to let the opportunity pass her by either. Feeling that needle plunge into her neck reminded her of everything bad that could very well loom over the two of them because of the things Bea had done during her time in prison. There was most certainly danger. And Allie had to make sure she would never ever miss out on another second with the former top dog if she could help it. She lived, as did Bea, and she had to thank every god and goddess she could think of for that. She’d get her ten years with Bea; longer too if she had anything to say about it. She most certainly wasn’t joking when she had said she couldn’t give a shit if they’d whacked her with twenty years. It would have been twenty more years side by side with Bea Smith and her beautiful way of loving. Tender and scared, yes, but it was perfect. Especially watching how the once very stoic and intimidating woman could shed those walls and turn into a bumbling teenager once again.

It was something she most certainly loved whole heartedly about Bea.

And she was sure that Bea had so many things to love about her too, she could tell just by looking at the way said woman was gazing at her with a love struck haze to her eyes. She was memorizing all of Allie’s features, internally terrified of never seeing them again.

“You’re alive,” She whispered again, still so completely amazing and thankful that Allie was alive. She couldn’t fully believe it, and yet there she was, in all her glory despite having tubes in various places and dark circles under her slightly dulled blue eyes. Still looking as beautiful as ever.

And alive.

“Yeah, I’m alive. You gonna tell me what happened to you though? I mean, shit Bea, when I woke up after being in and out I saw you there covered in bandages and blood, scared me half to death. Reckon you’d just been brought in from getting fixed up. I asked Miss Miles, but she just said stab wounds.”

Bea let out a dark chuckle, not really finding any humour in it, just sadness and the grief she remembered feeling. “Maxine told me you weren’t going to wake up… so I wanted revenge.”

“Oh god Bea, you went after Ferguson?”

She licked her lips and looked away from her girlfriend, she wasn’t proud of the next bit, and she knew the reaction she’d get. “In a way. Look, I just wanted revenge, and I wanted her to die. But she got the screwdriver off me and I saw an opening. A chance to be with you, and with Debbie. And to get her locked up for life, no way out.”

Allie sucked in a breath, feeling the panic well up in her chest. Bea was willing to die to just stay with her. Not only that, but Bea had almost died for that cause. Her stupid idiot. “Bea…”

“I know,” She sighed. “I really do. But it seemed right at the time, heat of the moment thing. Paying for it now,” She gestured loosely to her midsection and groaned as she pulled against a wound with the movement.

“How in the hell did you survive? I’m glad you did, and I am so going to kick your butt for it once we’re back. You are never doing something like that again.”

“Ha, I promise. I really do,” She looked back over to see Allie had lowered herself back down in the bed and was resting her head as far to the side as she could, any attempt to be closer to her.

“Mm, you better. I’d make you do something like a pinky swear but we’re kinda chained up at the moment. Not exactly how I would have liked to picture either of us in handcuffs around each other.”

And now she had Bea blushing furiously, and sputtering in an attempt to talk. Mission accomplished, she thought as a smile crossed her face at the sight. That adorable bumbling teenager side of her love was showing again, she could never get enough of it.

Part of the former top dog was glad about how Allie was talking to her, like they were back in H Block, chilling in her bed, cuddled up against the corner telling each other stories and having Allie crack a joke almost with every single one that had her laughing for hours. Despite their situation, her girlfriend always tried to make things better, and once again she couldn’t thank her enough for it. So she just smiled instead, once she got over the blush as red as her fading hair, and nodded softly, careful not to move so she wouldn’t disturb her wounds. She thanked the hospital so many times over in her head for them working their magic and giving her the chance she had now, and for the morphine she was sure was coursing through her system and was why she couldn’t feel the numerous punctures to her torso.

“I promise Allie, no more stupid things.”

“I’ll hold you to that, and I’ll kick your butt if you ever try and do something stupid later on.”

A grin slowly spread across Bea’s face, remembering an earlier conversation the two of them had. Would be a good time to try Allie at her own joke cracking game for once. “I really should have signed you up for that meditation class.”

With a shake of her head, Allie almost burst into a small fit of laughter. God she was so glad that they were both going to come out of this alright. “When we get back you can forge my signature on all the programs.”

“Not all of them, need you to myself sometimes.”

“Oh do you?” It was teasing, as the blonde leant forward as far as she could go without pulling on her cables and the handcuffs. “Why would that be?”

She tried, and failed miserably, to put on a flirty smile, only to realise that she’d failed at Allie’s raised eyebrow and fit of giggles. “Shut up.”

“God, this is great!” She let out between the bursts of giggles as Bea attempted to look offended. Even that wasn’t working for the wounded woman. “Better leave the flirty smiles and all that to me, yeah?”

At that, Bea grumbled out an unintelligible answer. One last attempt to look offended, but as she glanced back over at her smiling girlfriend, well, she couldn’t keep up that façade. “Okay, okay, yeah, you can do all the flirty smiles. I’ll just keep you safe, and also be your pillow at night.”

“Well you are comfier than the prison pillows. And at least it’ll make up for you being a blanket hog.”

“Oh I am not a blanket hog, that’s all you Allie.”

“You so are.”

Bea rolled her eyes and cringed lightly at the flash of pain she was greeted with. At least she was okay, that was what she reminded herself; they both were. The small stabbing pains she could cope with for now. She flashed Allie a reassuring smile when she heard the latter hissing in sympathy again and pulling on the handcuffs in an attempt to reach out and just do something other than lay there in bed.

“I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.”

She pulled her eyebrows tighter slightly and just tilted her head into the pillow. “No, I’m serious, I’m really okay. The pain is nothing, I’m on a high just being around you.”

Allie scrunched her nose at that, trying to fight the minor blush that threatened to highlight her dulled skin. Hospitals and recoveries did nothing for her looks. But at least Bea didn’t seem to care about that at all. “So you’re going all romantic now?”

“You’re not complaining are you?”

“Definitely not.”

Silence enveloped the two for almost a solid minute before Bea attempted to sit up again and quickly decided otherwise as her body still felt so drained, not to mention sore. Instead she just kept looking at Allie, who now had her eyes shut, probably trying to get some rest she assumed.

“Hey, Allie,” She pressed, moving her head closer to the edge of her bed. “You still awake?”

“Mm,” Came the sleepy reply.

It was more than enough reassurance that Bea needed to say her next words. “You didn’t hear me on the phone when I thought you wouldn’t wake up. So I should tell you now. I love you.”

She could see the wide smile spread across Allie’s features, even though she still had her eyes shut, Bea was sure they’d be sparkling.

“I love you too, Bea.”

And once again she was so thankful she was alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who returns with another update to this fic? Felt I needed to continue it with all the speculation about season 5 coming up. But yes, people, this begins with Allie back in the prison waiting for Bea to return. Its not a big update though, maybe sometime in the future I'll be updating more, and with longer chapters. For now, enjoy, I hope I stayed true to the characters again but I'm half asleep and just finished writing it. But the characters might be a bit OOC, I don't know, didn't feel fully... right, you know?

There wasn’t much to understand about the whole “leaving the door open” policy, but at least H2 was understanding about why she kept the door to Bea’s room shut and fiercely defended its untouched condition from anyone trying to go in for some reason or another. Even against Maxine. Sure, she was being a little over protective, but she knew Bea was alive, as did the screws, there was no need for anyone to touch anything. Except her. But even she stayed out, lest she end up crying into the blankets in the former top dog’s room again. She didn’t want to break down like that again, loneliness and fear was still very crippling.

Because while Allie came back from the hospital, over a week and a half ago now, Bea had remained for recovery and observation from her extensive wounds. And despite the blonde’s demands that she would stay, Bea had known she’d have to leave. And Allie had caught the small smile when she threatened to chain herself to Bea’s hospital bed to make sure no one could take her away. 

The blonde woman knew she could be very persistent but would eventually have to leave.

So when she heard the footsteps approaching H2, she quickly made for the door, who cared that it was so early in the mornings and the gates hadn’t been opened, any screw could still very much waltz in and jeopardize the state of Bea’s room in an attempt to clean it up for some new inmate which no one in H2 would want either. She yanked the door open a little more forcefully that she’d liked and already she saw Maxine, slightly weaker than she was used to being, crack open her door to see what Allie was reacting to.

She cringed and threw a look of apology in the sick woman’s direction before facing back towards the gate. And it wasn’t too surprising to see the Governor standing there, but it still jarred her a bit, worry eating at her veins faster than she could think possible as her steps faltered on their way to bring her in front of Vera.

“Novak.”

Allie wanted to say something, even as the gates clacked open and Mr Jackson stepped back from his place so Vera could walk past. But fear had still seized her veins, she hoped to god that this wouldn’t be bad news about a certain red headed woman locked up in hospital.

“If you would please come with me and Mr Jackson,” She halted, swallowing at the wild look in the prisoner’s eyes. Took a moment before she realised that Allie was waiting for a reason. “Uh, Bea Smith is returning to the prison this morning and Mr Jackson suggested that it would be easier for her if you were to help her readjust from her ordeal and be there for her escort back to H2.”

Allie simply looked at the man then, a smile beaming across her face. The fear had already melted from her veins and she did not even hesitate with stepping out of H2 and into the hallway area to follow both correction’s officers. 

Even on the walk over to medical, Allie was almost floating across the floor, it was a freeing sensation to know that Bea was now well enough to come back to the prison. Despite the wish in her mind that the two of them were outside the walls and free to do whatever they wanted, together, without the leering eyes that she would assume would come soon enough, again. But either way, inside or outside the prison, Bea was coming back, alive and well.

So when the door opened and the dulled red hair peaked through the opening, Allie’s heart leapt to her throat and she could feel the tears streaking down her face. 

It was one thing to hear that Bea was returning, it was another to see the former top dog come through the door in medical to be escorted back to H2.

And when Bea caught sight of her blonde lover, well, the expression was mutual, especially once she crossed the final few doors blocking her way from Allie. 

“Allie,” It simply a breath, almost a whisper, as Bea grabbed a hold of the woman and hugged her, for the first time in almost two weeks, since the Freak intervened.

Allie buried her head into Bea’s shoulder, breathing her in through her nose and trying to hide her tear stricken face under the mess of curls that had yet to be properly taken care of by hands perfectly qualified. They had long since forgotten the presence of the screws around them, simply revelling in each other as Bea’s shaking hands pressed against her back and pulled her closer. 

When Allie felt Bea’s lips press against the juncture of her shoulder and neck, she felt the world tip on its axis, this was what home felt like. Bea was what home felt like for her. Kaz may have taken her in and cleaned her up, but she was never home; had never felt like this to Allie, never felt like peaceful bliss with a hint of excitement around every corner for the two of them, Bea felt like that though, she really did. And the lips against the thrumming pulse of her throat, they reminded her that she was on solid ground, Bea was alive, she was alive, and they could spend the rest of their time together without top dog rules and regulations to get between them. Or the ever looming danger of the Freak and her unknown backup plans.

The Freak would pay eventually, but for that moment, for that one shining moment, the two of them could ignore the world, the prison walls, around them. They could fall into each other.

By the time the two of them even managed to untangle themselves from each other and had begun the trek back to H2, the gates were being unlocked before breakfast. And the two of them only just managed to squeeze past all the awakening prisoners without notice due to Mr Jackson escorting them back and, well, the jangling of keys and rough steps  
didn’t really make most prisoners look up, unlike the squeaking of prison-style shoes on the tiled floors.

Neither had said much, other than whispers of the other’s name and how happy they each were to see the other. They were far too wrapped up in each other, quite literally, as they got to the now unlocked gate of H2, unnoticed by any of the occupants within who had already begun milling about to prepare for the day’s work duties and such.

So when Mr Jackson gave Bea a slight pat on the back and a smile as he left, Bea spoke up to the people who had very much become a part of her family over the last four years, despite fights and differences in the beginning. “Hey guys.”

Allie grinned widely at the way everyone froze, turned their head and almost collectively gasped. They looked almost as shocked as she felt alive.

Wasn’t too much of a surprise when Boomer spoke up. “Oi, how come no one told us you were coming back?”

“Boomer…” Maxine chastised and stood, making her way over to Bea before the rest of them had a chance to mob her. What very much didn’t surprise her was Allie’s protective hold on Bea’s shoulder. “Bea, hey, thought it would be ages before we’d see you again.”

“Yeah well, hospitals and I don’t mix too well, think they’re nervous ever since the last time.”

Maxine’s brow softened with a smile and she took Bea’s hands in her own to give them a squeeze. “Good to see your sense of humour didn’t get lost while you were there.”

Allie chuckled and leant her head down onto her lover’s shoulder. “God, I’d hope not. Need a good laugh sometimes and she can tell some amazing jokes.”

Bea leant to the side slightly, to look over at the rest of H2’s occupants, smiling at them. “Listen, hope you don’t mind but I’m exhausted from the trip back. Talk later, yeah?”

Liz nodded. “Yeah, no problem. You get some rest love.”

Turning her attention back to Maxine, Bea tilted her head. “I want to hear everything I’ve missed about you, okay? But soon, you wouldn’t believe the come down from these meds.”

“Of course, you two better actually rest though,” She quipped with a raised, fading, suggestive eyebrow. 

To which Allie smirked and Bea blushed furiously before she quickly excused them both back to the confines of her untouched room. The pictures still hung up on her corkboard, clothes still in the tiny shelves in the corner. Though the bed was made at least, something she knew Allie had done for her; she was sure that the room had probably been searched not long after her stabbing and left in horrible condition. But it looked like it was just as she had left it, save for a few minor differences, but at least not the picures on her corkboard.

Her fingers trailed along the pictures she’d drawn, specifically tracing Debbie’s face. She still missed her, of course, but the pain was less now, she knew that one day, both she and Allie would be able to look after her in years to come. Something she knew Allie thought of when the woman’s slender fingers pressed against her own, a comforting gesture meant to soothe any regrets or sadness.

Bea smiled and turned her head to Allie when the woman pointed at her own picture. “When’d you draw that one by the way?”

“When I realised you were one of the people I cared most about in here.”

Allie melted almost to tears at that as she quickly darted her eyes back to the picture and raised her hand to press against the soft lines that Bea had drawn. “I hope you did a good job, I mean, I think I look better here than I do in person.”

“Allie…” 

“Okay, okay,” She raised her hands in mock defeat and smiled widely, staring at Bea. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

The former top dog nodded, gesturing her hands out from her waist as she stepped further into the room, towards the single window. “Me too, feels like a dream.”

She turned her head at the sound of Allie flopping down onto the single bed and laughed at the way the woman tried to contort herself very quickly to look presentable again. “A good dream though, right?”

“A very good dream…” She trailed off, eying the blanket that had now been displaced by Allie’s very graceful fall onto the single bed they had been sharing before the start of the Freak’s plans coming to action. 

But that wasn’t what she was focused on at all, no, she was focused on a much nicer subject as she laid down in the bed and turned to face Allie, who was now squashing herself in the wall to allow Bea to get comfortable. “You gonna hog the blanket if we get some sleep?”

Allie rolled her eyes, pushing at Bea’s shoulder lightly, careful in case the woman was still sore from the many stab wound scars littering her body. “I thought we agreed, you’re the blanket hog.”

“Oh, we agreed huh?” Bea asked, disbelief dripping from her jovial tone.

“Yeah, I think we did.”

“Mm, I don’t remember that.”

Scoffing, Allie leant forward and pressed her head against Bea’s. “You know, I was scared over the last week and a half that I wouldn’t get to have this again. The playful arguing.”

Bea’s face fell at that as she quickly let her hand sit on Allie’s hip, reassuring her that she was indeed actually there, laying next to her. “I was scared I’d lost you when Ferguson gave you that hot shot. I was scared of losing you, of losing everything to do with you.”

“Thank god neither of those happened then. We’re both laying here, alive, safe, together,” She said, reaching over and squeezing Bea’s bicep softly.

“Together,” Bea whispered, leaning forwards and capturing Allie’s lips softly for the first time in what felt like years. 

They both sunk into each other, holding on like tidal waves were threatening to rip them from each other. Luckily for that moment, nothing could come between them.


End file.
